I can’t have enough of this film, seriously. It’s fun, it’s violent and extraordinary from a technical sort of perspective because it’s not just a made-from-a-formula action/spy flick but it’s actually quite innovative. It stars Colin Firth (ermagherd) and Taron Egerton (poor boy, if he wasn’t an actor that name would be really terrible. Now it’s artsy.) and they pull off quite the job. I don’t remember a lot of the actor’s names (mostly only those I find hot) so if you’d you like to know who else graced the cast of this wonderful adventure I’d like you to meet Uncle Google and his knowledgeable nephew IMDb.
Compared to The King’s Speech this film is incredibly fast-paced. I’ve had the extraordinarily rare pleasure of being completely pressed into my seat for two hours straight (or however long this is, probably something around that). My testosterone-filled inner child wept when the movie suddenly was over. But then there was this epic mid-credits scene. And then it was over for real and my inner child wept again.
This is also the first movie where I’ve really come in contact with “British youth slang” is what I would call it, although I think the clinical term is “lad speak” or something like that. It’s rather different compared to American slang of that type (which I also find absolutely incredible) but it’s very interesting to listen to. Gary/”Eggsy” (how the hell that happened is anybody’s guess, maybe a Gary doesn’t have enough street cred. Then again, how could an Eggsy have any?) seems like your average rascal-turned-royalty chap but he’s well-developed enough that we can see more in him than that. He loves animals and he’s into casual sex, which makes him sorta more human (no matter how much you agree/disagree with the casual sex part).
But nothing in this movie compares to fucking Colin Firth as Galahad. He’s living proof that being a well-spoken gentleman in a suit is infinitely better than anything else (especially if you can kick some serious ass, too). He showcases the most beautiful erudition and he looks goddamn fine as hell. There’s one scene when he walks up the stairs and he’s seen from the side where he looks kind of hunched over a little and a little thin, too, which takes a little away from the magic but all in all he’s objectively desirable as fuck.
Those are the two protagonists and obviously there needs to be a villain, too. In this movie it’s Valentine (whatever his first name is) with his amputee sidekick Gazelle (she has sort of spear-thingies instead of legs. Everyone in the movie brushes it off like “meh, famous people and their spear legs” but in real life that would be the talk of the town for years. She’s a very pretty girl and thank God when she shows us in how many badass ways she can kill people she takes off her dress in favour of pants (making it more believable – I’m looking at you, there, Jurassic World) which I really liked. She’s also very evil and sadistic and it totally fits her character.
One quick note when it comes to attractive people in this film: the second (I think) Lancelot, the one who gets gloriously sliced in half in Argentina is sooooo incredibly handsome. Seriously.
And they all wear gorgeous suits. And I have a thing for that. So… basically, eye-candy wherever you look.
Anyway, let’s move on.
The screenwriters put some damn beautiful words into the actors’ mouths. Pure eloquence, seriously. It doesn’t matter if they’re defying spy movie clichés with actually witty one-liners or making a seriously awesome remark about silver suppositories – this movie’s word game is incredible. If you hate everything about spy movies, violence or blockbusters, go see this movie just for the fantastic dialogue.
Then there’s the violence. Oh man. There are so many points I want to make about this I don’t even know how to describe all of it. I’ve tried structuring my thoughts a little but it’s all equally amazing, so much so, that I don’t know where to start.
*deep breath*
So, there’s a lot of killing going on. They’re totally not ashamed to assault your eyes with death and gore and flying body parts and at first I thought I would hate it but I couldn’t help but cheer. There’s this one incredible church scene (which is also preceded by a hilarious bit of dialogue) where it’s like you don’t want to close your eyes because it would be a shame to miss any of the awesomeness that unfolds right before them and then later they do a magic sequence of exploding heads and it’s like having an orgasm and eating chocolate all at once. Like Merlin said: “That was fucking spectacular!”. As the movie goes along you keep thinking “they can’t top that” and then they do and it’s fabulous.
We’re supposed to reject joy from violence (or violence in general) but this movie proves that aggressive, brutal scenes can actually be so funny and innovative and breathtaking that you can’t help but think of them as beautiful.
It seems like I’m saying this movie is flawless but it isn’t. And that’s not bad, by all means. The movie is incredible and I will recommend it to anybody always but I have a few nitpicks as well.
For example, too bad that there wasn’t enough time to properly develop Roxy. She was a fine character but more like a “girl-ex-machina” than anything else. They needed somebody to become Lancelot so that Eggsy could totally prove himself and have that scene at Galahad’s house so he sees what happens to him yada yada yada and they needed somebody to go to the stratosphere to shoot the satellite (which I’m told can’t move on its own like in the movie but what the hell) but to be honest at the end there she’s just kind of a prop. It could’ve been anybody. The only thing that made her in any way her own character is that she’s smart & the best but has a fear of heights and she has to conquer that fear and she does (also, the one-manned stratosphere-suit-thingy and her fall from it are kind of a nudge at the Redbull challenge from a while ago IMO)
Also, they totally did that “student repeats their mentor’s deep one-liner after their death to reemphasize either the death, their destiny or both”. And I don’t know. I’m not sure if I liked that. I think I gave it a slight eye-roll the third or fourth time I saw the film.
But, let’s get to the good stuff again. A few scenes that prove that thinking out of the box/defying clichés is good. Like: the villain actually shoots the main hero and he’s definitely dead (they forget a little about him but meh). In general, it’s a brilliantly executed scene (heh, executed) and they’re very self-aware about it (which I generally like in a movie).
Then there’s the fact that there’s no romance which I find terribly appealing. I mean don’t get me wrong, I love romances (major musical fan here) but I don’t think “getting the/a girl” is really that necessary in every spy/action movie. When you gotta save the world, you just gotta save the world and seriously, being able to woo some chick isn’t gonna make me like the character more. What will achieve that however is if they kick some ass.
And finally, the bit about anal sex. Man, was that funny. Totally unexpected and fresh and perfect for this movie.
Oi, that’s a lot of words. As you can see, I love this movie. Go see it. It’s brilliant and you’ll love it, too.
Outside Max 