Giving gifts

Among the many blogs I used to maintain, there was one entitled ‘The Gift Study’ (I was very much into Sherlock Holmes back then) and it was all about giving gifts. A peculiar subject to pick perhaps, not something people concern themselves with on the regular – only when the situation calls for it, anyway – but I always thought the topic was fascinating. So much so that I used to dream about a big gift-giving corporation, which would specialize in custom gift services – picking, buying, wrapping – but that’s a story for another day.

Add to that, ‘tis the season, so some reflections on giving gifts in general might come just in time. Why do we give gifts? What are some famous gifts? And why does it matter to me? These are all things I intend to find out in the next few paragraphs or so, on a sweet little venture into the world of wrapping paper, family obligations and weird trivia facts that no one actually needs to know.

The history of giving gifts

As the somewhat wry Wikipedia article on gifts reveals, there’s a lot more to the practice than simply fretting over what to get. There’s questions around occasions, meanings in different cultures, capitalistic ideas (promotional gifts), implications of behavioristic reinforcement, the whole deal of unwanted gifts and white elephants, and of course the legal aspects of gift-giving – namely, when gifts turn into bribery.

But, let’s not get too distracted by the unexpected breadth of the subject, and instead focus on its history. I feel like the majority of people know quite personally what gift giving and its ramifications are about (and even when brought up in a culture/religion where gifts are admonished, I assume the concept is still known), but where does it all come from?

Well, turns out that’s not a question that’s easy to answer. It seems that a lot of discourse around gift-giving focuses on its social, cultural and economic dimensions, not so much on its origins. Further, from what I could gather, whenever its origins are mentioned, the practice is fairly often dismissed as simply a tradition as old as man, a societal agreement, a universal behavior, a common practice, a behavioral strategy passed on from one generation to the next, as if it has no beginning, as if cavemen already did it.

Which they probably did – it certainly seems plausible, given that chimpanzees and bonobos do it, and them being our closest living relatives, us having common ancestors and all – but that doesn’t really answer my question. I found some indications that our ancestors presented saber teeth to each other and whatnot, but nothing really substantial. There are examples of famous gifts in history (which I will write more about further along) which would indicate that the practice is indeed as old as man, but then again, that’s just examples, not really the root of the issue.

There are a few occasions that warrant gifts, personal commemorations, like birthdays and anniversaries and, of course, social occasions, like different types of observances and holidays. The history of Christmas gifts in particular seems like something more tangible, more easily understood than the institution of gift-giving as a whole, since, according to some, Yuletide presents date back only to the 19th century, and to New York, of all places. An Atlantic article on this subject presents the introduction of gift-giving as a way to move Christmas celebrations – observed violently by the poor in the streets – from public life into the privacy of homes – so that no poor man would incite riots in favor of labor laws or something.

Going further with this story, this need by the elite to rid the streets of such ‘undesired’ folk coincided with the need of this very elite to raise their children in a spiritually righteous way, in order for them to keep living the life they had. Add to that an emerging middle class and the capitalist market’s urge to prosper, and you’ve got yourself a few modern consumer myths, Bibles as children’s gifts, poems about sugar plums, a cartoonist (and later a carbonated soft drink manufacturer) who reinvented a saint and/or a fable about a semi-scary elf into the story of a jolly, old, bearded grandfather – and there you go, Christmas presents are born. And here I was thinking we were just trying to emulate the Three Wise Men, only that we’ve learned by now that resin and gold are not appropriate gifts for babies.

How much any of this is true and how much of it permeated to other cultures I can’t tell, but it also certainly seems plausible. With the advent of industrialisation and the emergence of a middle class it seems conceivable that social scripts were established that required the friendly exchange of goods, not only for the material benefit of the transaction, but also as a means of keeping up community contracts and rules of society (the one we live in, mind you).

Though whatever caused this practice to come into existence, whether it be industry magnates, modern world elites or simply an innate response developed in the course of creating communities – it really seems to have been around forever. Like many other societal mechanisms it has many upsides, and yet can be, and is, used for evil means as well.

So, to sum up – it’s fair to assume that humans have been inclined to share gifts since time immemorial. The circumstances and rituals may all be different or have changed with time, but the practice itself seems to have been consistently present in human development. That certainly isn’t a satisfactory answer to my initial question, but I’ll accept it. Not only because I’m neither qualified nor crazy enough to dig deeper to discover the last kernel of gift-giving truth – but also because this general answer seems to be the closest to the truth I was ever going to get anyway. It’s not like there was some inciting incident that caused gift-giving to happen – it was a process, and still is, like so many of these fun, well-established social routines that we’re so fond of taking for granted.

Some famous gifts

So, with my somehow way too cynical bitching out of the way, let’s focus on the fun stuff, and list off some famous and/or cool public gifts.

The first famous gift that pops into my head is actually the Taj Mahal, though how much of a ‘gift’ it really is, is up to debate, I suppose. In any case it’s the mausoleum of Indian Emperor Shah Jahan’s wife Mumtaz Mahal, and he made it for her, so I guess that should count for something – a posthumous gift? I don’t really care, fact is, as far as buildings go, that one is lodged into my subconscious as one famous gift.

But in the course of history other buildings were given as gifts, too, like the Statue of Liberty for example, as a symbol of freedom and democracy (and copper turning a corrosive green), from one America-obsessed Frenchman to the land of the free and the home of the brave. It certainly left a mark on the world, and the voyage to bring all the pieces across and assemble them into the figure known today seems very much like an adventure – but up close she’s not at all as impressive as she seems on detail shots in uplifting pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps movies. Ah, but still. What a gift.

Then, of course, drifting way further back in time, there are the Hanging Gardens of Babylon (not to be confused with the ‘Rivers of Babylon’, the 70’s reggae smash hit) – also a monumental gift, albeit unfortunately lost to the sands of time; if they ever existed in the first place, that is. The fable goes that King Nebuchadrezzar II had the gardens made for his wife, Amytis, who was homesick for the mountains. So, he had an intricate irrigation and tiered terrace system designed to make the legendary mountain-like gardens come to life. Although they are considered one of the Seven Wonders of the World, their existence is heavily disputed – though in the end it doesn’t really matter, it makes for a great story (and a great gift!) nonetheless.

Almost a mythical gift, then, the Hanging Gardens, which brings me to a short detour to an even more mythical land (albeit considered quite historical for a while there) and the ultimate gift – Prometheus and his offering of fire to mankind. Sure, there are lots of gifts in Greek mythology, in any mythology – but this one is special to me, not only because it is such a distinctive gift, a symbol of Justice and Rebellion (and Prometheus is a cool name) – but also because it inspired a hilarious quote in Jon Tron’s “Flextape” video, which is in and of itself a gift to Internet-kind.

Staying within the mythical for a while, I can’t write this article without mentioning one of my favorite stories – The Lord of the Rings, of course. Described therein are several gifts, and presents are the cause of some terrible mischief in Tolkien’s stories, though I suppose what I’d like to focus on, instead of some specific artefact, is the art of gift-giving itself.

Hobbits, as with many other things, also have their very own way of dealing with gifts. Though not a terribly rich folk, not in the capitalist sense at least, they give readily and plentily (unless they’re Sackville-Bagginses, of course) and share gifts with others on their birthday, instead of receiving them. As Tolkien writes:

“Hobbits give presents to other people on their own birthdays. Not very expensive ones, as a rule, and not so lavishly as on this occasion; but it was not a bad system. Actually in Hobbiton and Bywater every day in the year it was somebody’s birthday, so that every hobbit in those parts had a fair chance of at least one present at least once a week. But they never got tired of them.”

There are so many gifts I could describe out of that lore – but this should suffice for now. And, I’ll move back to reality again, or history at least – to write a few lines about a very famous royal gift from Poland (or Prussia at the time). For royal gifts are also a thing, and out of all the royal gifts given over the last couple of centuries, the Orlov diamond, a Fabergé egg and the endless jewellery collections of the British royal family, one present that is quite fascinating is the legendary several-meters-long pearl necklace of Princess Daisy of Pless.

As it tends to go with royal artefacts a lot of rumors started circling in regards to the necklace, most notably a story which goes something like this: when Daisy, a British aristocrat from the 19th century, was married to the Count of Hochberg, the future Prince of Pless, they supposedly spent part of their honeymoon on a voyage across the Red Sea. The Count apparently orchestrated an elaborate pearl-fishing spectacle, which the newlyweds observed from their ship. Then one of the divers, a young boy, came up from another round at the bottom of the sea, apparently spewed some blood and cursed the princess, after which he died.

Then, ever since she received the long string of those very pearls, nothing but ill fortune befell her, and upon her death, poor and alone, she was interred with the necklace, so that no one else would ever have to face the curse again. The grave was later robbed, and the necklace vanished, turning it into a piece of legend.

Well, the truth is a bit less dramatic, to be fair. The necklace actually came from a jeweller in Paris – though indeed its precise length is not known, something between 6 and 7 meters – and was probably cut up and sold when the family fell on tough times after the First World War. Daisy was indeed buried with a pearl necklace, but a short one – and that one was indeed stolen, when the grave was found and taken apart.

But what happened to the fabled necklace in the end is unknown – whether it was indeed cut up and then re-strung or whether it got lost during a repossession by the Polish communist secret police – that, nobody knows for sure.

And, to finish this part off, something perhaps less legendary, though by no means less entertaining:, a contemporary gift, and one of my favorite videos of an interview-turned-unexptected-deskpiece – the story of how David Letterman gifted Conan O’Brien a horse. This story hits all the marks for me: American late night, a great storyteller, and a tale so ridiculous, well, it’s all the more funny because it’s true.

I couldn’t in the slightest give back how hilarious this story is, so I won’t even try, but suffice it to say it’s worth the almost 10-minute watch. I guess I could say something about upper class gift-giving and celebrity culture here, but I won’t, either – this time it’s just a nice story which fits perfectly into my article.

A very diverse world then, the world of famous/historical gifts. And there’s not really a grand conclusion I’d like to draw from these examples other than, I suppose, hey, that’s cool. On the other hand, there’s a whole other world of gift-giving that is perhaps more familiar to many people than the here mentioned grand gestures and big-budget favors – namely, the gifts we give in private. The handmade gift cards, carefully picked out items, the endless browsing online until the perfect memento is found. And, to cover all my bases when it comes to this topic, I’ll spend a few paragraphs on those as well.

Some personal notes on gift-giving

I like gifts. Not only receiving them, but specifically giving them. I know sometimes it’s a tedious duty, and sometimes it backfires, and there are so many rituals and rules attached to it – flowers for example, there’s symbolisms related to colors and types and ways of presenting them. Then there are countless gift-giving guides for all different kinds of occasions and although it feels like the rules have relaxed over the years, or changed at least, there are still things and times where gift-giving is considered ‘appropriate’ or ‘inappropriate’.

Personally, I like to screw all that and look at gifts as more of a design challenge – arts and crafts for adults, so to speak, with a design thinking element. That may sound cynical, but it’s actually quite fun. It’s a nice little hobby, and you get to make people happy in the end (hopefully – at least that’s the goal).

The only ‘inappropriate’ gift I’ve ever given that I can think of was when I was a kid and I thought coins would be just as good as confetti in a gift bag, though in hindsight it probably looked more like shrapnel than anything else – but luckily, I don’t get ideas like that anymore.

I still like giving gifts however and here’s a quick rundown of what that process is like for me. Whenever there’s an occasion where I can get someone a gift, what I like to do first is to consider what I know about the person and what would make them happy. I try not to give ‘duty gifts’ – and even when I have to, I try to make them something at least a little bit special or add a personal twist (which can be difficult, if you don’t know the recipient too well). Of course, I can’t really tell what someone is going to like or not, but whether it be something that I’ve heard them talking about, something that came up in a conversation, or something that makes me think of them, then that’s probably a safe bet.

Then, of course, there’s the logistics question. Giving gifts I feel like is a little more fun when you can spend more money on it, but it’s not a prerequisite – money is actually just a pretty small part of it. What’s more important are technical questions like: if you want to order something, is there enough time for it to arrive? If you want to in-store shop, will you actually find what you’re looking for? And, if you’re going to make something yourself, are you able to make it in the first place? Handmade gifts are a special type of thing because they do not need to be perfect, but of course (I assume) it’s preferable to make something not only with good intent, but also something that works/looks nice.

After all that thinking there comes my favorite part – the actual doing. I love walking around stores, thinking about the people I love, trying to figure out what to get; or researching online, quasi-hunting for something amidst endless offers of knick knacks and chachkis; imagining experiences the person would like to have, and if I can facilitate them; or gathering supplies and making something myself. I am no master craftsman by any means, but it is incredibly exhilarating to think of a project and then see it through. I’ve painted small stained-glass things and glasses, have printed personalized merchandise and made a piece of jewellery or two. What I especially like is making gift cards, and I’ve been doing so for as long as I can remember (though as a kid I would always sign the birthday person’s name on the card as well and it took me way longer than it perhaps should to understand why that wasn’t the smartest move in the world); and I also really like giving books.

But a book alone is something quite impersonal – although there are, of course, ways around that. I like gifting favorite books of mine – The Perfume I’ve gifted a few times, and The Book Thief – and, although I know some people shun the practice, I really like writing well-wishes onto one of the first few pages. This way it becomes something unique and wonderful, and though perhaps in a few years I’ll think back to all the cheesy dedications I’ve written and cringe – but to hell with that, it’s fun!

Not only books however are easy to personalize. A birthday card can be made better with a signed picture attached, a congratulatory email can include puns and inside jokes and the smallest or simplest thing, but zhuzhed up with something personal can make all the difference. Not only to make, but also to receive – and here I’m thinking about all the drawings, creative little projects, personalized items, thoughtful mementos and funny trinkets I’ve received over the years.

Further, there is the penultimate step, sometimes overlooked or underestimated, I feel like – the wrapping. Because the package is just as important as the piece inside itself! And there are so many things to make it interesting. I remember my sister teaching me about this, when she was a University student and used to make intricate wrapping designs out of tinfoil. Our budgets and skills have developed since then, but the idea remains the same – to include the wrapping in the gift-giving process just as much as the gift itself.

When I was at a bachelorette party some time ago there was a great idea for gift wrapping – a big cardboard box filled to the brim with balloons and crumpled up pieces of wrapping paper, so that the bride-to-be had to fish around the box to find her gift. Further, there are several tutorials online on how to wrap certain objects specifically. In recent years I’ve moved to always using brown paper and yarn – it’s super neutral, always looks neat and surprisingly usually sticks out – or envelopes, or special gift boxes or anything else that’s fun to decorate. I also had a big phase for sewing felt wrappings, bags and such, when I was younger. Of course sometimes I just chuck everything into a gift bag, too – but even then there’s plenty of opportunity to make it special, with fun ribbons or relevant motifs on the bag itself.

And then we move on to the grand finale – presenting the gift. There’s no one rule on how to do it and it all depends on context, but there are a few fun ways I can think of. A personal delivery is of course one of the best things, seeing the person unwrap the gift and cheering up, but I’ve also been known to drop off gifts on doorsteps or mail them. Whatever way you choose, I think it’s always important to keep the ultimate goal in mind – to make the recipient happy.

And that goes for the entire process. Sure, I also just like making gifts as a small hobby, and I’ve learned many useful skills along the way, but that’s not why I make them. It’s because nothing beats being able to make another person happy, to see them light up, to create a small pocket of magic in a world that is, well, whatever it is. And maybe that’s also where gifts come from in the first place – from a wholesome place, from the simple joy of giving and receiving, from being thoughtful and needing to express one’s feelings with something more tangible than fleeting words and strong handshakes.

Ah, who knows. In any case, it’s a big ol’ bucket of fun, and that’s what counts in the end.

Well, this piece certainly felt like a bit of an emotional rollercoaster – all the way from cynical tales of calculated greed to lofty ideas of friendship and harmony. But that’s what gifts do to me, I guess, make my heart go all spongy and always make me end up thinking about good things.

Which is good, and nice, and something I can definitely recommend. I’m not saying everyone has to become a fan of exchanging gifts now, and I’m certainly aware that not everyone views the practice with the same fondness as I do – needless consumerism and all – and that’s okay, too.

But it is something interesting to me, and in the end that’s what my little corner here is for, as I’ve reiterated many times. A sort of gift to myself, if you will – or maybe I’m just taking the idea too far right about now and should quit while I’m ahead. Which I’ll do, then, with season’s greetings, and thinking fondly of all the picking, buying and wrapping I still get to do this year.

The history of giving gifts: